I have been thinking all this for days, and this is how it comes out...
I will start by saying that I have the honor of being the first grandchild and the first niece, so my memories go back, far back, to young Aunt Nancy. No offense cousins, but being first has its advantages, I suppose (and I take this very seriously : ). So, at least for this generation, I will go back as far as I can remember.
But I digress.
(Already. Imagine that.).
($100 to anyone who can guess the other cousin who can out-digress me. You know who you are.)
I also hold the distinct honour of being named after Aunt Nancy.
Ever since I can remember, the Haywood's have called me Nancy Ann. I don't think I realized it until I was older, but being called Nancy Ann made me feel special. I was named after my beautiful, glamorous aunt. But in addition to that, my family gave me my own name, too. It is difficult to explain how it makes me feel when I hear it, even today…especially today.
Only as an adult do I realize that all those years ago, I hoped more than anything that I would grow up to be as fabulous as she. Correct me if I am wrong, but I always think of Aunt Nancy (even at 60) with the hourglass Barbie doll figure wearing the latest fashion and that big, beautiful, blond (or red, oh the beautiful red of late!) hair that she did herself, as well as everyone else's hair around Grandma and Grandpa's big kitchen table where every seat was full, with the kids running up and down and under the table and everywhere. She was always, all her life, so put together with the stylish clothes and hair and makeup. I know now that I inherited my love of hats and shoes from her.
More importantly, I remembered she always smiled, was always patient, always happy, always fun.
I remember Grandma and Grandpa's old schoolhouse house, and learning one day that the back room off the kitchen had been Aunt Nancy's room when she was growing up. When you're little the smallest things inspire amazement…I always loved that room after that. I got to walk through it every time I was allowed to go through it into the scary basement and watch Grandma put the clean, wet clothes through the old scary wringer which I will never forget NOT to put my hands near.
Then Aunt Nancy started to work for Coca-Cola and she would drive into the big yard full of cars and trucks and tractors and stray 50s era bumpers and other unidentifiable metal things in that great big new shiny white van with a green 7-Up logo on it. I still cannot, NOT think of Aunt Nancy every time I see a 7-Up.
As an adult I learned that Aunt Nancy was the queen of detail. Not so unlike myself, but oh, so different! I could change a tire on an 18-wheeler more easily than I could embroider the most beautiful set of cloth napkins I have ever laid eyes on. I feel I am the most un-domestic woman on the planet, so those napkins are something that I treasure. And her stories…I can picture her newly decorated house in colour, down to the new vacuum cleaner that she wanted and got (thank you Bob!) and every recipe she has given me, easy and practical as they are, include all the little tricks and extra careful thought that make it taste that much better.
Amy and I were at Grandma's with the family last Christmas. The pressure was on, as usual, to get all the gifts wrapped. Amy and I both live in Chicago so don't wrap, just fly unwrapped so those airport fools don't undo our crappy wrapping going through security and make it that much more crappy. We are crappy wrappers. Grandma cleared off the table and set us up with all the necessities and Aunt Nancy and Steph helped us wrap it ALL! We sat at the dining room table together and talked and laughed while Steph did her best to remove the lingering chicken stink-age from Vincent. (God bless the child for working so hard during the holidays.) Steph told us about Korean (Korean right Steph?) food, kim chee, etc. Aunt Nancy gave us the latest Bob and other gossip and that woman wrapped her cracked little fingers off while Amy, Stephanie, and I sat around and talked and laughed with her and wrapped nary a thing! The most beautifully wrapped Christmas gifts I have ever given. Believe me when I say that my gift recipients were highly suspicious…
One of my last memories of Aunt Nancy is also from last Christmas. We were all at Grandma's and there was this HUGE box there. All day, the box is sitting there. Everyone there KNOWS the box is for Aunt Nancy, but Aunt Nancy herself. Inside was a lighthouse. I still do not know the significance of the lighthouse. (Someone fill me in, please.) When the time came for the giant box to be opened and Grandma told Nancy that it was for HER, NOT Grandma, who Aunt Nancy THOUGHT the box was for, she was so happy! AND THEN…when she opened the box…MOTHER OF GOD. I have NEVER seen anyone's face light up like that! NEVER! It was joyous to see the joy, joy, joy, joy on her face! That damn lighthouse made her so happy!
God bless her for allowing me to see that smile and pure happiness on her sweet face.
I know I loved her from the time I could comprehend who she was, even when she was far away in years and distance and time.
I am very proud to be Nancy Haywood the Second.
(Just don't call me Junior.)
I love you Aunt Nancy and can only feel comforted that you are gone by the plain fact that I know you will be looking out for me, and everyone you loved, and who loves you dearly, until the end of time.
I believe that you died of happiness, and nothing more.
Love,
Nancy Ann
***
These are the words to one of my favourite songs, written by Dolly Parton's sister Rachel, sung by Dolly and Rachel in A-Capella harmony. It is a beautiful song and the words…well...
I have always attributed my love of bluegrass music to the Haywood in me and I think Aunt Nancy would have loved this song. I only wish she could have heard it.
But you know what?
I think that maybe she will.
***
I AM READY
I am ready
Oh, my children
When Jesus knocks at my door
I'll be there come morning
Don't weep for me
I'll be with my Lord
There's my bible on the table
Read it to me once more
I can hear God's heavenly angels
Singing me on through heaven's door
Hallelujah Lord
I am ready
No more sorrow
Hallelujah, yes
I am ready, I am ready
I am ready to go
Oh, Hosanna
Take my hand now
Lead me to the promised land now
I am ready, I am ready
Hallelujah, I am ready to go
Oh, Hosanna
I am ready to go
I can hear God's heavenly angels
Singing me on through heaven's door
Singing me on through heaven's door
And I am ready
- Nancy Blank Writing Services
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